i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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