the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
