im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
