Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Enjoy the penises
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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