you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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