we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's never too late to be topless.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
