pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
