I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
