a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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