Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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