you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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