Sry I called you an 8
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
