Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Randomize
