Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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