I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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