Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
