I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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