i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
