So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
