i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
