she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
