What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
