I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
