sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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