We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
