Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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