Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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