His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
