My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Enjoy the penises
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
