Dual....:-)
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
