I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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