Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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