Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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