I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
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I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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