I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My ATM looks so different sober.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
