I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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