what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
