i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
