I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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