So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
