he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
