This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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