I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
