I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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