I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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