he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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