I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
