that's an acceptable place to lick
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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