farters have to be the big spoon...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
