I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Alive.
So much puke
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
