Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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