I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
