I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.