I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
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Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard