i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text