Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
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He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
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i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.