My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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