So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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