You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
