help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
