thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
