I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
