i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
