I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can I color on your dick again?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
don't judge my taste in strippers
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
