im about as happy as oj after his trial
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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